So my gorgeous and lovely roommate rented Superbad last night. Oh. My. Goodness. Too funny.
But as hilarious as it was, it kinda made me sad. Sad for the days when I could go out to a crazy party. And drink. And other things too. I suppose I can still go out to crazy parties, but its not the same without a handful of bottle, ya know? And I don’t wanna be in the physical presence of “other things” cause that would be just too too.
Not that I want to go back to my using days, per se… I mean, some of it was fun, but soooooooo much of it was just fucked up. Like, oh, 2006 – that was one hella fucked up year. Not that ought five or ought four were better. Sheesh – my advice to you – stay off the pipe. Fo real.
Sometimes I wish I was “normal” – yeah, whatever – what is “normal” – yadda yadda yadda. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t an alcoholic and drug addict. Not often, really, most of the time I’m super THANKFUL I am cause well, it’s a pretty cool club I’m in and shit. I suppose if I wasn’t an alcoholic I wouldn’t be pining for the days when I could be the life of the party, bottle in hand, making friends, working the room. I was a pretty good time once, in that I was cool and hilarious.
Not that I’m not cool and hilarious anymore, but I had to temper that “I was a pretty good time” for those of you with filthy, dirty minds. Though I was that too. I digress…
I just can’t look at the “Forever” part of this deal. Cause it’s daunting, and sorta sad. But I haven’t been able to “party” in a normal-y party sense for years. It just gets ugly, and gross, and very sad. And dangerous. Ask me about the time I called the police on myself. Twice. In 10 days. Got taken outta my house in handcuffs and given “chemical restraints” –
Ah, memories.
In other news, there is so much sadness in people. Really – I think it’s like humanities’ (or at least the good part of humanities’) default setting. Ya know? It’s awful. I have it too, but because of the whole Seebo-metamorphosis deal – not so much anymore. Does that make any sense? I am able to be present and serene – not that I always am, but I am able to be… Gah. I know what I’m talking about, so I suppose I’ve got that going for me.
It’s really easy to get stuck in the sucky miserable part of life, and it took a pretty intense moment of surrender for me to get out of that, but man is it ever better on the other side. It’s a complete miracle, for lack of a better term. Good lord am I ever thankful… Really.
Alright, I’m done being a vagine. What happened to my self imposed ban on cheese? Seebo out -
