Oh thank you Microsoft Word, for being my way around abominable spelling…
Please note that the following post is laced with profanity and bitterness. And if that offends you, then, clearly, you are a wank who is reading the wrong blog.
Fuck you paying bills. Honestly. It’s my money, I earned it, and whist I do appreciate the good and or service I have been provided, I have much more entertaining things to do with said capital. And none of them involve sending it away to some nameless good and or service provider.
Fuck you dishes. I hate dishes. No, that’s not quite accurate. I hate washing large amassed stacks of dishes (dishes themselves are quite lovely, a very appropriate place to set food upon for consumption). I swear to god, if and when I get around to doing you I am only using one plate, one fork, one knife and one spoon for the rest of my life. I still need to use three glasses, as I have varied and many beverage needs, but at least its not using every fucking glass I have and stacking them up along side the sink until none are left (and I have a lot, I can’t stress this enough, of glasses). I’ve been drinking ice water out of fucking brandy snifters for the last week, for the love…
Fuck you vacuuming. I love my creatures, and their respective soft coats of petable fur, but I do not like vacuuming up these damnable tumbleweeds of dander-ridden hair that seem to be everywhere, including being spotted most recently in my bed. THAT’s nice to wake up to. Seriously.
Fuck you getting out of bed, for that matter. Unless it’s to get rid of the aforementioned hair-friends. I love bed. It’s quite a comfortable place to recline, I find. And here in my box I am missing it quite desperately.
Fuck you Neutrogena conditioner, which I am forced to use as I am out of regular conditioner. Thank god I take toiletries from hotels, but come on. Neutrogena is crap, and it makes me smell like an old lady I know. And did I mention that it is crap.
Fuck you the only plans I have for tonight - a pay Friday, and a pay Friday of a long weekend no less – being to meet my parents and grandmother (heretofore further known as “Nanny”) at Perkins for dinner. Fucking Perkins. Sigh, I guess it beats Schwann’s pizza.
Come to mention it, fuck you Schwann’s pizza. It is not good, and is taking up valuable freezer space which could be utilized to store, oh, I don’t know, bodies or ice sculptures, or dishes… Anything would be better.
And finally, fuck you laundry. For you truly are the bane of my existence. It never ends with this laundry business. Unless you do it naked and stay that way, it’s in a perpetual state of accumulation. If only they could harness that energy and transform it into some sort of fuel source…
You’d think I was in a bad mood. Not so much. Just bored, and tired, and waiting to get my terribly exciting weekend on…
S
4 comments:
Fuck ironing. I realize ironing could fall under the category of laundry, but I don’t care. Ironing sucks and I suck at it. I pull a pair of pants out of the basket of clean laundry (cuz they rarely make it into my dresser,) take them to the ironing board and try to channel my mom, that woman CAN IRON let me tell you! Inevitably, the pants remain wrinkled (my channeling skills could use a tune-up) and I experience feelings of anger and resentment that I wasted a good 10 minutes for nada.
Oops, please replace every use of the word “iron” and “ironing” with “smoov” and “smooving.”
Ah yes, the ghetto iron, aka "smoov" - loves it
I got married, now I don't worry about all that stuff.
Instead it's LLAMA'S!!!
(God I'm an asshole)
hehehe
When I convert doc files in pdf files I lost my initial doc files.But fortunately myself helped-corrupt text recovery word 2007.It recover my files and I didn't pay money for this program.Besides that utility can use a backup copy and restore all text files from scratch.
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