I don't need no stinking title!

So my gorgeous and lovely roommate rented Superbad last night. Oh. My. Goodness. Too funny.

But as hilarious as it was, it kinda made me sad. Sad for the days when I could go out to a crazy party. And drink. And other things too. I suppose I can still go out to crazy parties, but its not the same without a handful of bottle, ya know? And I don’t wanna be in the physical presence of “other things” cause that would be just too too.

Not that I want to go back to my using days, per se… I mean, some of it was fun, but soooooooo much of it was just fucked up. Like, oh, 2006 – that was one hella fucked up year. Not that ought five or ought four were better. Sheesh – my advice to you – stay off the pipe. Fo real.

Sometimes I wish I was “normal” – yeah, whatever – what is “normal” – yadda yadda yadda. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t an alcoholic and drug addict. Not often, really, most of the time I’m super THANKFUL I am cause well, it’s a pretty cool club I’m in and shit. I suppose if I wasn’t an alcoholic I wouldn’t be pining for the days when I could be the life of the party, bottle in hand, making friends, working the room. I was a pretty good time once, in that I was cool and hilarious.

Not that I’m not cool and hilarious anymore, but I had to temper that “I was a pretty good time” for those of you with filthy, dirty minds. Though I was that too. I digress…

I just can’t look at the “Forever” part of this deal. Cause it’s daunting, and sorta sad. But I haven’t been able to “party” in a normal-y party sense for years. It just gets ugly, and gross, and very sad. And dangerous. Ask me about the time I called the police on myself. Twice. In 10 days. Got taken outta my house in handcuffs and given “chemical restraints” –

Ah, memories.

In other news, there is so much sadness in people. Really – I think it’s like humanities’ (or at least the good part of humanities’) default setting. Ya know? It’s awful. I have it too, but because of the whole Seebo-metamorphosis deal – not so much anymore. Does that make any sense? I am able to be present and serene – not that I always am, but I am able to be… Gah. I know what I’m talking about, so I suppose I’ve got that going for me.

It’s really easy to get stuck in the sucky miserable part of life, and it took a pretty intense moment of surrender for me to get out of that, but man is it ever better on the other side. It’s a complete miracle, for lack of a better term. Good lord am I ever thankful… Really.

Alright, I’m done being a vagine. What happened to my self imposed ban on cheese? Seebo out -

R.I.P.

Basil the Rat and Alfred Q. Rattius had to be put to sleep last night. We are in mourning... Baz and Alfie were the best rats ever. They will be missed. My poor lil guys...

Wow.

Dear sweet baby Jesus… my blog is lame. Lame! A little bit cheese, a little bit ghey. My bad. First I’m all depressed and shit, drunk and or high, then I go to treatment and get all better and its woo-hoo isn’t everything all wonderful look at me all happy. Wow. Who reads this crap?

I’ve been sober for thirteen months and one week. Its awesome. The pink cloud has passed. I am content in my sarcastic cynical bitterness – I think it suits me. In that I wear it well. Many find it quite endearing. Really. I'm adorable. LOVE ME!

Whoops - ahem. Get it together Seeboandherzen - focus. This is going on the interweb -

Where was I - oh yes...

I forgot I even had a blog (I’ve been too busy reading someone else’s and living vicariously through their pathetic and gross existence. Its not their fault, they’re slow, and Canadian. Its a long story, one involving suction machines and gambling addiction) until I got a gentle reminder from one S. Magoo. Good lookin’ out there Stewy –

So here we are. “We,” of course, referring to the “royal we” consisting of me, myself and also me. I vow, right here and now, to be a better blogger, who is more funnier and less melodramaculous. Possibly one who posts more often. One who remembers how to log in, including - but not exclusive to - remembering her password even.

Perhaps as the day progresses I will come up with a comical list, or humorous observation I can go on about, tempering my largess with some sort of sense of wittacular self-satisfaction one can only enjoy by sharing one's more entertaining thoughts with strangers. "Spreading the love" as the kids are calling it these days. Perhaps posting something political in nature… Perchance some sort of diatribe on societal norms or comportment. Or paragraph after paragraph regarding the fact that words such as "comportment" have fallen out of favour, this being a certain sign of the end days indeed being at hand - as is evidenced by the devolution of western civilization apparent in the vocabularies of the undereducated masses...

Maybe. Or maybe I’ll totally forget I have a blog for several more months, then stumble upon it and think “Jesus I’m such a dork” –

Either way - KBO


Post scriptum: You know who I miss - The Bringer of Truth. Apparently there is no truth to be broughten at the moment. I hope that guys okay - he's like a little crazy ray of sunshine in my otherwise dull existance...

I'm so grateful

That I am alive. I don't know why I get this gift today, of just being happy being, I really don't. But I have faith that my HP has a reason for it.

I don't even know. I'm such a different person than I was this time last year. Its like I'm finally letting myself be who I always wanted to be. I was asked once, by a tremendously wonderful woman, "If you become who you want or would like to be, what would you lose?"

Control. I give up control. The universe is perfect, every atom is where it needs to be doing what needs to be done. I cannot change or control people, places or things. But I can put one foot in front of the other, do the next right thing, and have FAITH that its all taken care of. What a tremendous weight to be lifted off my shoulders... The world is doing aiight. I can just be.

I prolly sound all ghey. Sorry. Just having a serious gratitude moment. If you could have been where I was last year, you'd understand :P

Oh. Mah. Gahd. I'm such an emoticon smiley person its laughable (c:

Whole lotta nothing...

Wowza.

Lots of stuff. Lots and lots of stuff… Where to begin?

Well, for starters, I’m afraid of the repercussions if I actually post what’s on my mind. Stupid big mouthed Seebo all sharing that she has a blog. With people she’d have liked to blog aboot. That totally blows. Ya know? Like, this should be a safe-to-vent area. In fact, I would go so far as to posit that venting is welcomed with big, welcoming arms here. Not so much anymore. Just not worth the drama…

And if that’s not cryptic enough for you, well – MOVE ON! (TG should totally appreciate that one!)

Argh.

Why is Gravel such a looney? There, that should be safe to discuss. Well, safer.

Seriously? I mean, granted, the whole National Initiative thing is sorta dodgy, but its not like the President actually does a lot of stuff. Unless of course you are talking about the current administration and its complete lack of regard for checks and balances. Remember those? Checks and balances? Like we had back in the good ol days? That was awesome.

But for so serious – Obama? I just don’t like him. I can’t put my finger on why, but I just don’t care for him at all. And Clinton? Erm… Not so much. Gravel is so outside of the box of the normal political machine… I mean, Narnia please… Give a brotha a chance.

This post was clearly not well thought out. I will say this – the day just might be a-comin’ when I can actually vent freely and without fear. Are you so excited? Storms a-brewin'!

Bright blessings to all! Well, most all… I’ve got some love to spread -

Seebs

*Please note that I am now onboard the Obama train... This was a long time ago.

Still alive

Still clean as a whistle - a really clean whistle... Maybe someday I'll even blog about my wacky shenanigans. Maybe. Okay, probably. But Seebo and her zen need some sleep...

YAY YAY YAY!!!!!

Live is freeaking awesome, let me just begin by saying that - also, and more importantly, Yaweh is sending me messages!

Rejoice and fear!